Mother Gaia’s 51st Birthday Bash

The dark-skinned woman extends her hand. A gust of wind issues from her fingertips, pushing the barn door open. Piles of straw are stacked from floor to ceiling on each side of her as she walks over to the long makeshift bar at the back.

Her friends turn to her, all sitting on stools except the one behind the bar.

“Nice of Jesus to lend us his place.” The four armed female bartender, dressed in a red sari, cleans mugs and glasses and organizes them into neat stacks faster than a dishwasher. “Where is he, anyway?”

“Walking on water, a full time job, Lakshmi.” The large rabbit says, absent clothing, though nearly dressed in sarcasm.

“How does he do that?” Lakshmi’s voice is laced with wonder, unfazed by the wonder she’s performing.

The portly man in an orange monk robe chuckles. “The mind is everything. What you think you become.”

“Are you quoting yourself, Siddhartha?” The rabbit’s face is amused and horrified at the same time.

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it from without.”

“Yikes.”

“51…..no way!” The man in the red and white suit asks, a coy smile playing on his lips as he raises his glass of eggnog. “You don’t look a day over 25, Gaia.”

The dark-skinned woman blushes, not used to compliments as of late. Avoiding eye contact, she rearranges her dress carefully-after all, it’s made of leaves, with roses, tulips, lotuses and dahlias poking out at regular intervals.

“Oh please Kris, she’s really like 4.6 billion.” The rabbit replies, spinning once on his stool.

“4.54.” Gaia says with a playful smile.

Kris narrows his eyes. “We’re celebrating her day turning 51, Roger.”

The rabbit plays with seven rainbow colored eggs sitting on the counter. “Close enough. Can you not drink that stuff at a birthday party?”

Kris taps his drink. “There’s eggs in here, Roger, I thought you knew.”

The rabbit shakes his head. “Why do you insist on calling me that ridiculous name?”

“You’ve never given us one. Besides, I like the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit. You’re from Germany, Roger is a Germanic name, so why not?”

In the corner, a 50s style jukebox starts to play “Where Everybody Knows Your Name.” Lakshmi whacks it four times, shutting it off. “They know everyone else in the West, but not me!”

“But our cares are all the same!” Roger begins juggling the eggs. “These wonderful ovals should be hidden, found and displayed, not consumed like beer! Besides, Gaia’s had plenty of cults and worshippers through the years, why does this day matter so much?”

Kris rolls his eyes, looking for affirmation from Gaia, who doesn’t look up. “You’re a tightwad, Roger.”

“You’re a mean one, Kris Kringle!”

The four-armed goddess returns to the bar and pours four amber colored drinks all at once. “We’re getting off track. This day is about Gaia, not the rest of us!”

Sidd nods with slow and deliberate emphasis. “Lakshmi is right. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Roger snorts. “Definitely your own words. Real enlightened of you, Sidd.”

The monk shrugs. “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it from without.”

Lakshmi raps the table with all four arms. Drinks nearly spill out of their glasses and figures nearly fall out of their chairs. “Time for the gifts!”

Roger rolls the eggs over to Gaia. “Not much compared to what those neopagans offer you now.”

She sniffs each one. “Non petroleum based paint-how nice!” Gaia smiles, blowing a kiss. The rabbit’s skin soaks in the fresh, crisp air-fresher than he’s ever felt before.

The rabbit’s lips creep into a smile.

Kris pulls a small box, covered in old newspaper, out of his suit. He slides it over.

“Recyclable wrapping paper-how refreshing!” Gaia opens the box to reveal a large can of eggnog.

Roger groans. Kris blushes.

“I would give something.” Sidd says, contentment all over his face. “But desire is craving-”

“Which causes suffering.” Roger repeats as if a robot. “We’ve heard of The Four Noble Truths. Though Kris actively promotes the opposite on December 25th of each year.”

Sidd taps his belly and hums. Kris rolls his eyes, sighing.

“Lakshmi, Diwali’s worse!” Roger chides. “The spending and the consumption-over five days, no less!”

The goddess gives the rabbit four light slaps, then slides glasses of brown liquid in front of her seated friends.

“I’ve made your special drink, Gaia” Lakshmi sings. “And Roger, the best part-since it’s magical, no resources were harmed or consumed in the making of this gift!”

Gaia swishes it in her mouth, savoring each second.

Roger takes many tiny sips, his frown turning slightly less upside down.

Kris finishes his drink in two gulps, his laugh heartier.

“I have no thirst, yet I will drink.” Sidd takes a sip and has no reaction.

Gaia swallows and grins from ear to ear. “Not many can capture ambrosia’s taste. Well done.” Her voice is light and suave, yet commanding.

Lakshmi bows, both sets of hands clasped together.

They share stories-about the old days, the humans who worship and celebrate them, all light, pleasant topics. A couple of hours pass.

Lakshmi raps the table again. “It’s your day. For what do you wish? Remember, I’m the goddess of fortune. I just might be able to make it happen.” She winks.

Gaia strokes her chin. “You are all my children, I appreciate your eco-friendly gifts….” A few flowers wilt on her dress. “But many painful things are happening….which will require more drastic action.”

“As many as 150 species go extinct per day.” Roger points out, spinning in his stool. “The animals come to me, they plead, they beg. We must save them and their habitats.”

Gaia raises her eyebrows, considering. She feels dizzy, but manages to look to Roger while gently squeezing two eggs. “How do we save them?”

The rabbit shrugs. “I was hoping you’d know.”

Gaia issues a soft laugh.

“I might be able to help….” Lakshmi rubs all four hands together.

“The Earth gives too much. We use too much.” Kris says with sad relish, wiping eggnog off his beard. “Last year, humanity used up all the year’s resources by August 22nd.”

Gaia clutches her stomach, stopping herself from throwing up.

Sidd nods. “Less is often more.”

“Though, less is bad for my business.” Kris looks out the window to the rickety, falling apart sled parked outside. “Though saving you is worth it.”

“Bad for business…..” Lakshmi’s arms droop at her sides.

“Why do you think using less is saving me?” Gaia teases, poking his beard.

“I don’t know.” Kris admits, adjusting his red hat onto his head.

Lakshmi cracks her knuckles. “Less is bad for you know, prosperity, wealth and all that….but it leaves more for you, Gaia.”

Sidd closes his eyes. “Less is more.”

Roger rolls his eyes. “Are you Lao Tzu now too, Sidd?”

Gaia smiles. Her nausea passes.

Lakshmi snaps four sets of fingers under Roger’s nose. “Enough!”

“Once the three poisons are extinguished, Gaia can flourish.” Sidd says, somehow managing to sit cross legged on the small stool. “Perhaps it is less about saving….” The monk trails off, humming.

Gaia claps once, twice, thrice. “Keep going!”

“Not about saving…” Kris says, twirling his majestic curled handlebar moustache.

“Habitats or resources or animals…” Roger frowns. “I thought you were supposed to be less cryptic on your birthday.”

“She’s not being cryptic.” Lakshmi snaps, crossing one set of arms over her chest and the other grabbing the empty glasses. “Listen.”

“Sidd is getting there. It’s not about saving….” Gaia twirls her empty mug in her hand. “Not in those words. George Carlin had it right….sort of.”

Roger scratches one floppy ear as he spins around his stool. Lakshmi resumes cleaning and organizing the glasses. Kris pats his belly and twirls his moustache. Sidd hums quietly, oddly striking the right mood.

“The mentality has to change. Often, it’s not about saving me. Rather, you want to save your neighborhood, feel good about yourself, the list goes on and on. ‘Saving the planet’ can be another poison.”

Her friends nod in agreement, Roger the most of all.

Gaia stands up. “I don’t want you to save me.”

She soaks in the silence. Lakshmi stops cleaning. Roger stops spinning. Kris pauses twirling and patting.

Yet, Sidd continues to hum.

“I want you to not destroy me.” Gaia winks at them all. “There’s a pretty big difference.”

She walks out, the barn door opening before she extends her arms.